Black Rose

We can walk past a rose day after day and subconsciously acknowledge its beauty. Many days we will be oblivious to the beauty of the rose, perhaps to the point that we no longer even see the rose. The beauty of the rose though has remained constant. Yet it only takes a moment, perhaps a moment when the rays of the sun shine a spotlight on that rose for us to see the beauty of the rose. In that moment we take pause to delight in what has always been there. We not only see the rose and its beauty but we see how it makes everything around it that much more pleasant. The rose’s beauty is transferred to everything in the vicinity, including ourselves.

Often it is said that one can miss the forest for the trees. We too can overlook the inherent beauty of people when we get lost in the routine of life. We can shine a spotlight on their beauty by taking a moment to acknowledge their significance in our life and how they have made it better. This ray of sunshine will only cause that rose to continue to bloom and share its beauty with the world.

Drambie® Survival Guide

When it comes to rain storms we quickly seek out dry shelter. On notice of an approaching snow storm we stock up on provisions and look to the comfort of our warm and dry homes. At the first sign of a thunder storm not only do we look to stay dry but we do our best to secure our safety from the lightening. Twisters will quickly send us underground. Hurricanes will cause us to literally batten down the hatches. Enviromental turmoil spurs us to action. It motivates us to take the necessary precautions to hopefully successfully ride out the inclement weather. Yet typically we do not act so judiciously when we see the signs of interpersonal turmoil. The tell tale indicators of the “Drama-cane” often are ignored until we find ourselves in the middle of a category 5 upheaval. Why is that? What is it about the trivial plights of others that draw us like moths to a light? The hum of discontent and the whir of chaos beckon some like a tribal rhythm. Their bodies sway and bounce to the chatter of nonsensical individuals. They begin to chant in the same incoherent manner as the troubled souls. As if drama were some strange virus that continues to mutate and infect. Those whose resistance is weak fall prey to it. They become drama zombies – Drambies®

Life is already dramatic enough. There is no need to increase the level of strife and unrest we may already experience. Our top priority is to manage our affairs well with the goal of creating as much as possible a drama free life. Truly be a master of your domain and let others view how successfully you attend to your life and that will be the greatest assistance that you can provide them. Mind you some will seek to pull you into their black hole of chaos and angst. You can feel them pulling and tugging on your energy and resources. Being around them is often taxing and is never a light affair. Just like a real black hole can bend light these people can bend your spirit. They will consume everything around them leaving nothing a void behind. Your only hope is to get as far away from them as you can. Leave them alone!

You may think this is being harsh and selfish. Well, it is selfish! Selfishness is natural. Selfishness is about self preservation. Think about it, preservation. This is the act of preserving. Preserve at it’s core really means; to maintain state. To keep something close to its current state. So if you have worked hard at getting your life in a relative state of balance and harmony, self-preservation would be the act of maintaining that state. Correct? Really, how selfish is that? How much effort was required on your part to get to that state? How much effort does it take to maintain that state? You see where I am heading with this? What others would perceive as being harsh and selfish is nothing more than our resolve to maintain or improve our state by not letting others cause unnecessary unbalance. We are being steadfast in our commitment to ourselves.

With that being said I must also point out that I did say our lives were in a “relative state of balance”. We are never perfectly balanced. Perfection is not a realistic goal. However what is realistic is to acknowledge that our lives will tip to either side of the scale. That our actions have a direct impact on how far to one side things will swing. The extent that we involve ourselves with others, which is inevitable, determines how much too either side of being balanced our lives will be or how fat to one side we will swing. We have no choice but to interact with others, and this interaction is good. What we need to determine is how we are going to manage those interactions. Our interaction with other people can be viewed as a flow of water through a faucet. With the faucet open all the way we allow everything that a person has to offer to come into our life. If you are very good at letting the flow pass through, down the drain, then go right ahead. However if you know you have some dishes in the sink, the drain is slow and the drain cover is blocked you might want to reconsider this approach and close the faucet to restrict the amount of water that is coming through. Restrict who comes into your life and how much of them you allow in. Take the time to clear your sink first! With the prevalence of zombie survival guides on the market I too shall offer some tips on how not to become a Drambie.

1. Learn to identify the signs of an approaching dramacane.

2. Understand what balance is as it relates to you and then determine how much unbalance you are willing to tolerate by virtue of your interaction with others

3. Realize that life is already dramatic. Taking on the chaotic energy of others reduces your natural vitality.

4. Managing your own life is your top priority. Getting your life in balance and maintaining that balance is the best example you could possibly set for someone else. Let that serve as a testimony and source of encouragement.

5. Drambies proliferate like frogs. A drambie does not stand alone. Rest assured that they will have other drambies attached to them and they will attach themselves to you.

6. If you must deal with a drambie learn to, as the fisherman say, “catch and release”. The drambie will throw something your way. Catch by acknowledging it but then immediately drop it. Do not hold on to it. Trying to solve, rectify, fix or otherwise getting involved only quickens the process of turning you into a drambie. Even better than the “catch and release” is the parry. Deflection limits your contact. You are literally steering the drama around you. Example of a good parry:

“I am sorry to hear that ______________ is happening to you. I have every confidence in you that you will find a way to work this out.”

Notice, you acknowledged the persons situation and you provided encouragement. Yet you did not commit yourself to resolving whatever the issue may be.

Of paramount importance to surviving the Drambies is building effective barriers. Appropriate defenses that we vigorously protect and maintain. In our next discussion we will examine building our Drambie shelter.