Gettin’ Busy In Public

I left yall hangin’, sorry about that. All is well. We still doing our thang. What can I say. I felt like I was coming down with something so we only hooked up twice last week and this  week I still was not

100% so I am doing a double. Hooked up yesterday and then again tonight. Yesterday was great. We went further than ever before. Really pushed the limits. It is great to have someone that likes to push and that can take it easy. Things do not have to be one way or the other. Truly a blessing in that regard. We are still learning our communication styles. Verbal and non-verbal. Making progress. So far we have not needed a safe word but ya never know. wink-wink. We always seem to have an audience though. Duh that what happens when your pounding it out in public! I mentioned before that I would throw up a pic so yall could see my new love. We discussed it and permission was granted. So here ya go…

Yep that’s her. Well kind of. Running is my new sweety. I really started late last summer then got side tracked with other things. At the same time I was reading Born to Run by Christopher McDougall. What an eye openner! After reading that book my appreciation for running really grew and I just wanted to run. So despite the cold, snow and darkness of AK that is exactly what I did. It would have been too easy to sit back and say I have to wait until the weather is nice. Fuck that! No excuses. Shit – there is always someone running, walking, skiing, skating or just chilling on the trails here. Hell – if they can do it so can I! And I have. Fuck the thermometer, fuck the ice and the snow. This is Alaska baby that shit is here from October until May. 8 months out of the year, what should it stay inside? Hells no. Not this dude. Anyway, it has not been easy. I’m still learning how to properly layer my clothes. Still investing in the right clothes to properly layer. Took a minute to get used to running on packed snow and ice. Still have not mastered the loose snow. I see other people doing it so I just need to be patient and I’m sure I will get the hang of it as well.

However despite all of that I’ve seen a tremendous increase in my stamina. When I first began this I would just run around my neighborhood. Ya know go out for like 20 minutes. It hurt like hell. Then 20 turned into 25. Next thing you know I’m out for an hour and doing 5 miles. That is terribly slow but the point is to get out and do it. My times will pick up. I know I am capable of doing a mile in about 8:30. That’s not crazy fast but it is still closer to the 4 to 5 minute mark that is considered the ideal time. Right now I am averaging a 12 minute mile. My goal is to have that down to 10 minutes by spring. There is still a lot for me to learn. Pacing, form, and training. Practice makes perfect. So far it has been a great experience. I’m really looking forward to growing with her and learning new things along the way. She kicks my ass and I keep coming back for more. Each time a little better than last. Yep – this is going to work out just fine.

Hot and Wet

So we hooked up last night and it was FANTASTIC! Gawd damn! Good thing
I came prepared. Wink, wink. A gentleman is not supposed to kiss and tell; however this is not like I am bragging to my boys about a conquest. Perhaps if I say more about what it was like for me would that make me a little less douche-baggy? Come’on son! When was the last time you were totally open?

Normally I am pretty limber but for some reason yesterday all of the bones were cracking and popping. That’s all right though. Just had to start off a little slower. Let things
get nice and warm before smashing it out. Haha, sorry I could not resist throwing in a little bravado. Yeah man it is times like these when you need to pace yourself. Going all out is not the move. We wanted this to last – so we did our thing. We worked it out. Na’mean? (Know what I mean?) We truly are a good fit for each other – pause – laughter.
Seriously we are. Never have I been with someone who seemed to just want to stay with me. Not at the physical level but more on the spiritual level. Whoa, I am finding it difficult to find the words to explain this. When we are together it just seems to flow. We can usually find ways to adapt to each other that allows us to accomplish what we need to get done. What is amazing though that much of this is nonverbal. It literally just clicks.

Back to the fun! But you once I got acclimated and the joints loosened up I was good to go! I found the rhythm and was just jamming. Wiz Khalifa was playing, it was one of his slower mixtapes, I dunno, it just worked. It helped keep things moving. All I could hear was the sound of our steady smashing. Heavy breathing – light breathing. The smell of hard work in the air. LOL. The struggle for dominance. Mmmmm. Don’t you know, as soon as you are in the zone something happens that just totally breaks your concentration and interrupts the flow. Brings then to a sudden and unexpected halt. Son of a bitch! Muthafucka! Of course we pick up where we left off, it is still good but not quite the same. It was alright though I was still lov’in every minute of it. No doubt son. But I was petering out. Not going quite as strong. Especially after the interruption.

Just had to dig a little deeper and mash it out. Deep breathing and slowing things down helped a lot. We found our stride and finished strong. Hot and wet as hell. Panting and just looking all, well ya know the look. Wheeeew what a workout. We want get together today but I am almost certain that Friday we will definitely be hooking up. I cannot wait! Think I might go shopping, I want to look extra special. Stay tuned…

This Could Be The One

Oh what a feeling! The flutter in your stomach, the excitement of anticipation.
The high that has you walking on sunshine. Yes people I am in love and I cannot hide it. Perhaps I need my own couch jumping moment here to show my boyish giddiness. Or perhaps I should become just a smug asshole and act like it is no big deal. Hmmmm,
which way should I go? Ahhh fuck it! I like the giddienss. It is so much more enjoyable to laugh aloud, grin for no reason and just be in an overall good mood. Maybe later on I will post a picture of my new love. We’ll see.

No great love story is complete without a little drama and a riveting back story to accompany it. Believe it or not we met in grade school. (queue the group awwwwwwww how cute) We were cool back then, as cool as 10 year olds could be. Recess was our favorite time. Going out and having fun with the other kids. I remember every year we would look forward to field day where we could show off. Hey, hey I’m talking 10 year olds from back then not these 10 year olds, practically porn stars of today. Holding hands back then was yucky. Ewe! Any way, we went our separate ways after grammar school. Throughout the years I would occassionally get word about her. She was doing well and so was I. Every now and then we would run into each other. Exchange pleasantries but never really connected beyond that.

Again, through the grapevine I would hear things about her. You know how the grapevine works. You take things with a grain of salt until you can verify the information. Odd though, that everytime the grapevine would start buzzing we would run into each other. This time was different after exchanging our usual pleasantries we actually made plans to do something. Nothing major just go out and get reacquainted. Well we did and things did not go well at all. It was painful to say the least. We just did not jive. Yet despite that we still stayed in touch. Occasionally going out, never with any expectations. Sometimes I think it was more of pity visit. We could see we were good people we just had different points of view that caused a little friction. Funny how we have this affect on each other. The real kicker is that we could see the conflict, know the outcome but somehow we just could not stay apart. Now as I look back we both wanted the same things. Our approaches were just so different that it made it extremely difficult for us to establish a rhythm, to get in the same book let alone on the same page.

I don’t know. Maybe I am smitten and being a little naive about this. It could work though. Right? What do I have to lose? So far the adjustments we have made have been working. This seems like it could be a relationship for all seasons. I’m so nervous. I so badly want to go the distance with this one. Look at me gushing. Can’t put the cart before the horse. Just have to take it one step at a time. Gotta pace myself.

Moment For Life

I wish I could have this moment for life
Cuz in this moment I just feel so alive

- Nicki Minaj – Moment for life

Slit Wrists

Slit my wrists
To let love bleed
Death is slow

“I want your horror”

The Horrors

I love documentaries and well conducted interviews. Having grown up on 60 Minutes, Dateline, Rolling Stone and various other media outlets I have come to expect more than the basic “What was it like working with…” or “Tell me about your new album” questions that are often lobbed at musicians and actors. Check out Toure over at FUSE. He does an outstanding job interviewing musicians of various genres. His preparation and thought provoking questions are a testament to what seems to be a true appreciation of the arts as well as journalism.

Any way back to the quote, starts at the 2:00 minute mark in the video. “I want your horror, you know. I want your fears, whatever baggage you have I’ve got it too baby. Give it all to me.”

This struck a chord in me. In some way I find that it speaks to a deeper kind of love. The willingness to take on the good and the bad of a partner with the admission of our own flaws. Imagine if both partners have the same attitude. They each are willing to take on the horrors, fears and baggage of the other person. It is at that point that they become one because they have become the same. It is at that point that they are able to truly identify and empathize with the other because they are now carrying the others load. Damn! One of the attributes of love is self-sacrifice. Typically we think of self-sacrifice as the willingness in which one would give their life to save that of another. Self-sacrificing does not have to be on such a grand scale. Simply allowing ourselves to be absorbed by another is also a form of self-sacrifice. The willingness in which we will give up parts of ourselves to identify with someone else. To show them love.

This Gagaism is so simple yet so profound.

Needle In A Hay Stack

Needle In A Haystack

RB – Searching for a needle in haystack can be an exercise in madness. Leading us to follow every glint and glimmer of light. Even if we were organized and methodical in our approach to searching the haystack we would still have the anxiety of perhaps the needle still lies in the strands of straw we have searched. Or for some their anxiety would come from thinking that they might be stuck by the needle. (At least you would know that you found it) While others would just be overwhelmed by the shear magnitude of the search.

Recently having the opportunity to see the extent to which the world is covered in hay I can honestly say that I found a needle in the haystack. As with many things in life value is not appreciated until it is lost. As much as we may try to posture and put on airs that what was lost was of little value or does not affect us this thinking only continues to show a lack of  appreciation of what was had. If the needle is of such little value why spend countless hours searching in a haystack for it? Would it not be easier to just get another needle? If the idiom is true and needles are hidden in haystacks will we not have to search more haystacks in order to find another needle?

What is even more interesting is that the value of the needle is different from person to person. What is most important and the value that comes to us is how the needle was used in our lives. What was created with the needle. What was mended with the needle. All of the different ways that the needle touched us and those around us. Even when the needle may have pricked us we were still able to continue on. As any good tailor would do, you quickly suck the blood, give another squeeze to the finger, suck again, swear and keep sewing. Never missing a beat.

The interesting thing about needles is that they come in a variety of shapes and sizes. Each suited for a specific application. I guess versatile would best describe the needle I found. A very strong and reliable needle. Perhaps not best suited for fine detail work but realistically it was rare that I worked on such pieces any way. None the less my needle got the job done. Day in and day out. Sharp and true. Often pushing through layers where other needles would have bent and broke. Having worked with the same needle for many years allowed me a familiarity, a knowledge of it is idiosyncrasies and characteristics. So much so that it was easy to lose sight of what was being pieced together. The craftsmanship, the details, and the pattern. Just as a farmer cannot plow a straight field if he gazes around nor can a tailor construct a garment if he loses focus.

Working with needles requires patience but the funny thing is that it is not the tailor that needs the patience it is the needle. You see the needle is constant. It knows its place and purpose. The tailor is the variable, dresses today, suits tomorrow. The needle will sew either. It just wants to be in the hands of a capable tailor and not relegated to a haystack. Not neglected but desired and appreciated as much as it was on the first day of use.

A needle does not belong in a haystack nor does it belong in the hands of a bumbling tailor. As I sit head in hands with the fragments of what could have been a masterpiece around me I can only wonder. Reflect. Remember that I found a needle in the haystack.

- RB