Management and Self Replicating Bullshit

Bullshit bag

Perhaps you can relate to this and if not maybe you will just catch a glimpse at what I suspect is not a new phenomenon just one that is being cleverly packaged and marketed to unsuspecting workers.

It seems today in order to do business and especially in corporate America one has to find a way to create and perpetuate bullshit. I suspect that this is accomplished by hiring one asshole manager that has become proficient in generating copious amounts of bullshit which in turn affects everyone else down the ladder. For you see, those beneath the asshole now perceive that the way to get to the upper rungs is by producing enough bullshit to fertilize a small agricultural nation. Perhaps not a rule but the perceived path to advancement appears to require the ability to shit and shit as often as possible. Thereby  the entire corporate culture is polluted with foul, nasty bullshit.

You see the problem with this approach is that eventually management is up to its ears in bullshit and the only way to get themselves out of it is to remove not only the bullshitters they helped to create but themselves as well. Fat chance of that happening! What else can they do? Reality is about perception. If you can control the environment then you can easily convince those around you that the bullshit is actually the proper way to conduct business. That bullshit is necessary and valuable. That ridding yourself of those who do not want the bullshit is actually better for all.

Ah yes the sound logic of management. Lets accept the bullshit because its the only thing that hides our own ineptness.

I’m tired of all the “how to increase productivity ” bullshit. Do want to know how to increase productivity? It’s simple, have zero tolerance for bullshit. People are happier with the less bullshit they have to deal with at work. Happy people work harder.

I’m tired of all the “analyze, strategize, synergize, align,…” (add any other corporate jargon bullshit word to the list) bullshit. The mission is clear. Work hard so we and hopefully you can make more money. Whats wrong with saying that? Why do we need these grandiose mission statements that are really bullshit dressed as manure?

I’m tired of you creating bullshit because you have nothing else to do. Yep, we all know busy work or work based on not having a clear direction. The, “Hmmm what can I ask my staff to do on top of their existing workload that might me look like I have a vision for…”. Just stop it. See point one.

The greatest insult to the modern worker was saying that management was a discipline that was to be separate from the labor force. If managers continued to do the work of their subordinates they would be less inclined to heap on piles and piles of bullshit. Productivity is easily measured and does not requires bullshit to analyze it.

Stimulate Me Until I Come and Recover

Courtesy of solea

Yes I need to be stimulated until I come and recover. It’s not what you think though. Unless your a $1000 call girl named Juanita Epstein then it is exactly that.

Seriously though folks I have been incubating this one for a couple of weeks and I think I am ready to let it hatch and take flight. I know they have some major Brainiacs there in Washington D.C. working hard on solutions to rejuvenate this stalled economy. However I’d like to put my idea, as simplistic as it may be, out there for consideration. After I’m done then you guys can tell me what you think. OK? Alright here it is.

Since the government is in the mood to give money away and bail out every greedy bastard and their wayward industry why not try this stimulus plan and see if it helps.

1. F*** the banks! They’ll always find a way to make money. Instead why not do something worth while with that $80 billion dollars. Lets really stimulate the economy by paying 1/2 of all mortgages written in the last 10 years. Why? This way the banks get an infusion of cash, mortgage debt is lowered and home owners have more spendable cash.
2. F*** the auto manufacturers! Let them fail this way they can get rid of the unions. In this day of litigation the unions are not really necessary to protect the interests of the common laborer. Believe me, people know where to go when they feel their rights are being trampled upon. Also if step 1 were followed then people would have some money to purchase new automobiles. Hell they might even cost less now that the domestic auto manufacturers do not have pay those exorbitant hourly wages, pensions and medical benefits.
3. Legalize marijuana. Admit that you were wrong and start cashing in on Americas multi-billion dollar crop.

There you have it, 3 easy steps to stimulate the economy until it recovers. After it recovers let it bask in the warm after glow of triple digit profits and capitalist short sightedness for a while before you go and f*** it again.

Buckets, Ugly Sluts & Slip-on Uggs

Buckets

Buckets courtesy of Bo Mackinson

Why must we as a society label and categorize every aspect of our existence? Moderate, conservative, liberal, the left, the right, gay, straight, bi, black, white, and other.

We have created so many buckets to contain ourselves that we will eventually lose sight of what we were trying to set ourselves apart from. Dang it we even have buckets within buckets.

What’s wrong with just existing? Living each day to the full and accepting and if need be rejecting people as you encounter them? Life is for living not subdividing!

Ugly Sluts

Courtesy of gwalton1

Out and about this weekend I came across two young women. Probably in the their very early 20s. What caught my eye, from a distance, at night with very bad lighting, were curvy bodies, high heels and the chatter of young women. Like any male I had to investigate. So I did. I felt like a fish that swallowed a lure. So like most men that have been let down by their own foolishness I to had to blame the women.

Slip-On Uggs

Courtesy of Moodahocka's camera phone

Really what is the point of an Ugg slipper, slide, or mule? Isn’t the rationale behind Uggs is that it’s a very warm boot or shoe? If it’s cold enough outside to wear Uggs then wear Uggs. Does having your heel hang out really make that much of a difference?

Follow My Lead

Follow the Leader

This is the first time in my career where I have the opportunity to work with some one who has climbed up through the ranks and is willing to share their experience with those subordinate to them. However I must say  that not every manager is a leader, despite how well they manage their staff.

Leadership and management are not always synonymous. I guess when you really break down the definitions of each this becomes even more apparent. Would you agree with me in saying that leadership is about having vision and being able to work with a team to accomplish that vision? Whereas management would be more of keeping a team working but not necessarily working towards a greater purpose. I think leadership, at least good leadership, will encompass management skills. Management perhaps is a discipline that may not have leadership.

Leadership often involves taking risks. The willingness to go out on a limb to acheive an objective. Whereas management is more about keeping the status quo, making sure that things continue to run as smoothly as possible. That said I can see why CEOs and other high ranking executives are considered the leadership of an organization. The vision rests with them and they coordinate the efforts of the organization to realize that vision. They lead the organization to the vision. Much like a general will lead his troops to victory or defeat. The vision is either realized or not.

There are countless books on leadership and how to lead and strategies for leading. I think what it all really comes down to is having a vision and being willing to accept the risks, consequences and rewards of moving to fulfill that vision. Without that you are still following in the footsteps of others.

$1000 Sex vs. $100 Sex

Starbucks vs. Dunkin Donuts

Image courtesy of Seattlepi.com

Now that I have your attention, the real title of this entry is Starbucks vs. Dunkin Donuts.

I know you guys are smart enough to realize this is by no means a taste test comparison of two the nations leading coffee brands. This is more of a look at the mind set that often comes into play when discussing ones favorite brew. Just for full disclosure I prefer Starbucks.  I have tried the others, D&D, 7-11, various diners, break room and even instant coffee. It does not bother me that the majority of the folks do not like Starbucks. Is it not about choice? What does bother me though is that the non Sbux drinkers will deride us for spending more on something that we enjoy. As if all pallets were the same. Should that be the case why not a monochromatic world and season less food? There is no comparison, for better or worse, between the various brews.  Yes it is all coffee just like $100 sex and $1000 sex is still sex. But what do I get for the $1000 that I do not get for the $100.

• Environment – I can enjoy my cup of joe in an environment that suits my lifestyle.
• Choice – Sbux provides me with a constant variety of new flavors and blends to try.
• Class – This is not about the people per se but more about the experience. Sbux educates its customers. You either get it or you don’t.

You see my point. Although ultimately sex is sex and each provider will produce the same outcome (snicker snicker) but perhaps for the $1000 I am in a posh hotel and not in the back seat of a car. Perhaps for the $1000 I am with an educated, worldly and entertaining host. For the $1000 I had the chance to pick from a selection of the most beautiful and talented women for which to satisfy my carnal desires.

Continuing with my prostitution metaphor. Perhaps I tried the $100 street walker and by some good fortune also got to experience the $1000 call girl. Yes they both performed the same service but as I described above what made the difference was how it was offered. Maybe for some those differences are irrelevant but for others they are deal breakers.

I guess all I am saying is that there are choices out there.  The ones you choose are just that, the ones you chose. Let me enjoy my $2 cup of coffee and I’ll let you enjoy your $1 cup of coffee. After we are done with our hot aromatic beverage we can bask in the warm after glow of post consuption satisfaction.

With the tough economic times perhaps making it yourself is actually the best course of action. If you choose to do so why not learn a little bit about how to make a really good cup of coffee. Here is a good place to start…

He’s Baaaaaack vs

Connect by Underestimated

“Many people spend more time developing their excuses than developing themselves.  Would you like successful excuses or a successful self?” Jihan Thomas

Quickly, folks. That’s how I feel about religions and their followers. They spend more time focusing on what not to do than actually doing something worth while. Religion is an obstacle to spirituality and humanity. Being spiritual has nothing to do with what arcane laws you choose to follow because you feel that is how your salvation is secured. Spirituality is the process by which you connect with and better the lives of the people around you.

Nuff said. Peace!

Television Sux

In this age of enlightened people that understand more about the world in which they live than at any other time in history why are we subjected to so many unoriginal ideas and concepts? Why is that we are constantly bombarded by regurgitated material? How many home design shows, how to cook shows, how to fix shit shows , how to blow shit up, how to build shit, how to take a shit shows, how to not to shit shows, how to shit standing up shows (I think you get my point) do we need? Seriously, the Discovery channel conglomerate and HGTV bull shit. What the hell is the Fine Living Channel? The friggn Travel Channel is nothing more than top 10 lists put to video. If I see one more show telling me how to decorate my house, or another show telling me how to boil pasta or another show telling me where I need to go to get a good cup of coffee or where I can find the worlds largest pancake I will hurl. The intent of all these networks, does anyone remember the number of networks in the TV series Max Headroom , was to provide us the audience with content choice. What we have is just reordered list in multiple columns. It may seem like I am picking on the home and lifestyle networks but the same can be said for news, sports and the movie channels as well. Not counting the music stations the average consumer can have upwards of 400 channels to choose from. Yet we just find ourselves settling on content that is sub-par and not very engaging. Come on do you really like American Idol that much?

I think I have got some ideas for new DIY shows. How to be a pimp? How to get started as a meth dealer? How to piss off your coworkers? The top 10 hottest girls/guys at the gym. Where to go to get laid on a Friday night? Yep those sound like real winners to me. Stay tuned!

Be My Valentine

I came across this on digg. OK for all of you shoot first ask questions later types I need to go on the defensive before I can even state my position. Gay, straight, bi or confused, which ever category you fall in is fine with me. I do not really care. Peace.
I think it is a disgrace that the young man was murdered. I also think that it is a shame that the perp has to resort to such extreme measures to express his displeasure with the victims advances. However I get the sense that there is some back story here that we are not privy to. To continue lamenting the the victim and just chalking it up as a bias crime without considering what the victim’s contributing factors to his his untimely death were is really overlooking the fact that maybe he was not as innocent as he is made out to be. If the kid was smart enough (I used the term loosely being that he was 15 years old and in the 8th grade) to be an openly gay cross dresser then he was probably savvy enough to know which males in his school he could approach with such a request. Am I the only one that see that? Come on, everybody knows that teenage males are some of the most needlessly aggressive insecure people on the planet. Looking for any opportunity to demonstrate their budding manhood.

I was taught that there is no such thing as an innocent bystander. Come on don’t be so quick to play the “poor me card”. What did he do to set the other dude off?

Wicked Righteous

This is how I see righteousness. Righteousness is a dirty job that we all have to do. We realize that it is being done by others and others expect that we are doing it as well. However just because we all do it there is no need to at every opportunity to tell others that you are doing it. How you do it and how you view yourself for doing it is your little secret. Mine just happens to be a tad more fun…

Right Is Right Except When Wrong

The above is what is commonly referred to as a “truth table“. In our case it is a truth table for a “logical AND” or “logical conjunction”. It defines that for a result to be true, both arugments “p” and “q” must be true. Fair enough?

Why am I discussing truth tables and the fundamentals of logic? Well because there are a lot of stupid ass people out there that need this broken down for them. Stupid ass people that like to assert opinion as fact and mock those who can support their arguments with facts. For those I present some guidelines (not official by any means) for debating:

1. Know the difference between your opinion and a fact.
2. If your opinion can not be substantiated then do not state it as if it is a fact!
3. If some one points out to you that there is clear verifiable evidence to support their opinion (which at this point it is no longer and opinion) you can not dismiss the evidence because you have not seen it, read it or lack the intelligence to comprehend it. Especially if they are giving you the evidence to verify for yourself. At this point you either accept the evidence or offer evidence of your own that supports your position. If you chose to do neither then state that and politely excuse yourself from the discussion, because at this point you have nothing to offer.
4. Trying to bring in unrelated subject matter to support your case will not help, so don’t.
5. Attempting to back-pedal and restate or change the context of your position only makes you look more ignorant than you already appear. State your position and stick to it. If your position is going down in flames accept the fact that you need to reconsider your position or need to do more research to get the facts that support your position.
6. Telling the other person “You know what your problem is? You just have to be right!” is a clear signal of you did not know what you were talking about to begin with and is a sub conscience way of admitting defeat. (Thats my opinion)
7. Graciously accept defeat and try to learn something instead of getting upset that you were shown that you do not know everything.
8. If you attempt to win using semantics do not accuse the other person of using semantics when they reverse it on you. If you need clarification then ask for it but do not try to bullshit the other person with these silly ass word games. If your opponent is being vague then call them on it. “Your being vague, could you define what you mean by…” or “Am I understanding you correctly that when you say XYZ, you mean this…”. Force your opponent to clearly state their position.

Just for the record, yep I do like to be right. Is there anything wrong with that? All it means is that I have taken the time to learn. That I have made an attempt at enlightening myself and shunning the darkness of ignorance. Is that such a bad thing? Granted I know people do not like a “know it all”. Well “know it alls” do not like the “know nothings”. The folks that run around spouting inaccuracies, falsehoods and misinformation as if they themselves know it all. Hmmmmm bet you never thought of it from that angle. Its not that know-it-alls are disliked its the fact that the know-it-all knew more than you that you do not like. That you were knocked down a rung or two and it may have hurt. Well grow up, because even know-it-alls are shown that there is more to know.

From now on I will make my assertions with down cast eyes and in the meekest of tones for fear of upsetting your fragile ego. I will beseech your permission to utter statements that may not coincide with yours. Better yet i will just accept all that you say and smile with satisfaction that others too will get to hear how great your ignorance is.