Let Go

A friend of mine was recently fired from her job. Her employer did not provide a reason for her termination other than, “it is not working out”. A rather flat and meaningless explanation.

The next day she asked me if it would be alright if she emailed everyone at her former job to provide them with her contact information. As with most terminations you are escorted off of the premises and are not allowed to speak to anyone as you are leaving, so she did not get a chance to say goodbye to any of her coworkers.

My answer to her was yes it is alright but I would not recommend it. She is not breaking any laws by doing so and her intention on the surface seems legitimate. The reasons I have for not recommending that she look to contact her previous coworkers are simple.

1. As she put it, she wants to give her friends there her contact information. Well if they are your friend then they would already have your contact information. I like the way a former manager of mine looked at relationships when it came to inviting people to her wedding. Being established and marrying later in life she and her husband to be paid for their wedding. It was a small dinner wedding held at a local restaurant. I think they had about 75 people. Her rationale was, if I have not had dinner with you more than once in a years time then you really are not a friend of mine. This did not apply to friends who lived out of town. Makes perfectly good sense to me. We will break bread with people we want to be around. The more meals we share together the closer we are. Many people fail to realize that some relationships are contextual. They are born out of and exist only for the circumstances that brought us together. Outside of that there is no relationship. Work is a perfect example. Often the bonds, alliances, and camaraderie we create in the work place just does not extend outside of the job.
2. Contacting coworkers after you have been terminated is like trying to contact your ex’s friends after you break up. It is not a good look. Perhaps you did hit off with some of them and you felt a bond with them but your relationship with them too was contextual. Depending on how you and the ex ended things it is probably better just for you to let those people go along with the ex. It makes you look desperate and clingy to try to keep those relationships going. As I mentioned before if any of them were your friends now, they will be there. You want have to reach out to them because they are already in your circle.

There are times when our walking away is going to be forced. We are not always going to have the benefit of having the last word, getting a valid explanation or being able to wrap things up neatly. It is at these times when we need the strength and determination not to hang on to that which does not want us. Letting go is difficult. Once you do though, both hands are free to embrace a new opportunity.

Hot and Wet

So we hooked up last night and it was FANTASTIC! Gawd damn! Good thing
I came prepared. Wink, wink. A gentleman is not supposed to kiss and tell; however this is not like I am bragging to my boys about a conquest. Perhaps if I say more about what it was like for me would that make me a little less douche-baggy? Come’on son! When was the last time you were totally open?

Normally I am pretty limber but for some reason yesterday all of the bones were cracking and popping. That’s all right though. Just had to start off a little slower. Let things
get nice and warm before smashing it out. Haha, sorry I could not resist throwing in a little bravado. Yeah man it is times like these when you need to pace yourself. Going all out is not the move. We wanted this to last – so we did our thing. We worked it out. Na’mean? (Know what I mean?) We truly are a good fit for each other – pause – laughter.
Seriously we are. Never have I been with someone who seemed to just want to stay with me. Not at the physical level but more on the spiritual level. Whoa, I am finding it difficult to find the words to explain this. When we are together it just seems to flow. We can usually find ways to adapt to each other that allows us to accomplish what we need to get done. What is amazing though that much of this is nonverbal. It literally just clicks.

Back to the fun! But you once I got acclimated and the joints loosened up I was good to go! I found the rhythm and was just jamming. Wiz Khalifa was playing, it was one of his slower mixtapes, I dunno, it just worked. It helped keep things moving. All I could hear was the sound of our steady smashing. Heavy breathing – light breathing. The smell of hard work in the air. LOL. The struggle for dominance. Mmmmm. Don’t you know, as soon as you are in the zone something happens that just totally breaks your concentration and interrupts the flow. Brings then to a sudden and unexpected halt. Son of a bitch! Muthafucka! Of course we pick up where we left off, it is still good but not quite the same. It was alright though I was still lov’in every minute of it. No doubt son. But I was petering out. Not going quite as strong. Especially after the interruption.

Just had to dig a little deeper and mash it out. Deep breathing and slowing things down helped a lot. We found our stride and finished strong. Hot and wet as hell. Panting and just looking all, well ya know the look. Wheeeew what a workout. We want get together today but I am almost certain that Friday we will definitely be hooking up. I cannot wait! Think I might go shopping, I want to look extra special. Stay tuned…

Embracing Change

Change can be difficult to embrace even when we know that whatever the change may be that it is for the best.

Often the difficulty in embracing change comes from unrealistic expectations, our ego and the reality of the affects of the change.

The quicker that we can realign our expectations with the reality of the change, humble ourselves to let the change take place as it should and align our lives to work in harmony with the change the better off we will be. All things must be in alignment.

My Shine

When you have achieved success by your hard work and effort the glow of accomplishment is undeniable. It radiates from you like like the heat and light of a magnificent blazing fire.

Others around you will be affected by this energy. Some may even mistake the energy that you emanate as their own and attempt to steal your “shine”.

Your shine is yours and yours alone. Let the shine-stealing bastards stare and scratch their heads in wonderment as they try to figure out why you
shine so brightly. Until they learn how to shine on their own they can only reflect your magnificent and glorious light!

I Built the Pyramids

Having successfully moved a large projection television from my basement to another room located on the main floor of my home by myself you can imagine my elation when I was done. My success was two fold. First I moved an object that weighs more than I do a vertical distance of about 10 feet. Secondly I didn’t break the object, injure myself or damage my home. As Ice Cube would say, “it was a good day”.

My post move celebration, chest pounding and colorful trash talking led me to say the following, “I built the Pyramids and I conquered Rome.”

Of course not literally but it truly made me appreciate that I and we can achieve anything that we set our minds and spirit to.

Needle In A Hay Stack

Needle In A Haystack

RB – Searching for a needle in haystack can be an exercise in madness. Leading us to follow every glint and glimmer of light. Even if we were organized and methodical in our approach to searching the haystack we would still have the anxiety of perhaps the needle still lies in the strands of straw we have searched. Or for some their anxiety would come from thinking that they might be stuck by the needle. (At least you would know that you found it) While others would just be overwhelmed by the shear magnitude of the search.

Recently having the opportunity to see the extent to which the world is covered in hay I can honestly say that I found a needle in the haystack. As with many things in life value is not appreciated until it is lost. As much as we may try to posture and put on airs that what was lost was of little value or does not affect us this thinking only continues to show a lack of  appreciation of what was had. If the needle is of such little value why spend countless hours searching in a haystack for it? Would it not be easier to just get another needle? If the idiom is true and needles are hidden in haystacks will we not have to search more haystacks in order to find another needle?

What is even more interesting is that the value of the needle is different from person to person. What is most important and the value that comes to us is how the needle was used in our lives. What was created with the needle. What was mended with the needle. All of the different ways that the needle touched us and those around us. Even when the needle may have pricked us we were still able to continue on. As any good tailor would do, you quickly suck the blood, give another squeeze to the finger, suck again, swear and keep sewing. Never missing a beat.

The interesting thing about needles is that they come in a variety of shapes and sizes. Each suited for a specific application. I guess versatile would best describe the needle I found. A very strong and reliable needle. Perhaps not best suited for fine detail work but realistically it was rare that I worked on such pieces any way. None the less my needle got the job done. Day in and day out. Sharp and true. Often pushing through layers where other needles would have bent and broke. Having worked with the same needle for many years allowed me a familiarity, a knowledge of it is idiosyncrasies and characteristics. So much so that it was easy to lose sight of what was being pieced together. The craftsmanship, the details, and the pattern. Just as a farmer cannot plow a straight field if he gazes around nor can a tailor construct a garment if he loses focus.

Working with needles requires patience but the funny thing is that it is not the tailor that needs the patience it is the needle. You see the needle is constant. It knows its place and purpose. The tailor is the variable, dresses today, suits tomorrow. The needle will sew either. It just wants to be in the hands of a capable tailor and not relegated to a haystack. Not neglected but desired and appreciated as much as it was on the first day of use.

A needle does not belong in a haystack nor does it belong in the hands of a bumbling tailor. As I sit head in hands with the fragments of what could have been a masterpiece around me I can only wonder. Reflect. Remember that I found a needle in the haystack.

- RB

Clueless In Starbucks and Kneel and Bob

My second reference to the ubiquitous Starbucks. However in this case I making reference to an overheard conversation. Two young ladies, if they were a day over 20 I would be surprised, were discussing their respective political stances as so many are with this being an election year. I was quite floored when I heard one inquire of a nearby customer, “Is Hillary Clinton a Democrat or Republican?” only to be further trampled on when her equally astute friend chortled, “Is Obama right or left wing?”. After receiving very quick and biased answers to their questions and admonition to do a little reading the two quickly professed who they would be voting for in November. Ya know I am kind of glad that there is the electoral college, no matter how flawed of a system it is, it still may protect  the populace from blithering idiots like these two. Is it really to much to ask, we’ve been down this road before, for people to think, just a little bit? We all know the popular vote is a meaningless gester given to the populace to pacify their need for inclusion in the pseudo democratic process. Yet it still upsets me though that ding-dongs like the aforementioned regard themselves as qualified to cast a ballot in a process that they feel has lasting impact and merit. If you can not even identify what political party a given candidate belongs to and the fundamental beliefs of the candidate or the party by what means are you arriving at your decision? How do you know if that person is really the right person for the job? Whateva’ man.

OK now on to item number 2. I want to give all of the real haters out there some props. What do I mean by real haters? Those people who openly express their disdain for anyone not like themselves. Skinheads (are they still called that), Neo-Nazis, White Supremacist, those involved in ethnic cleansing, etc. Hey I may not agree with your cause but I respect the fact that you openly and courageously speak your mind and let the rest of the world know where you stand. You do not hide behind politcal correctness or a vale of civility. You do not like these fucking people and thats that. End of story. I just hate these folks that pretend to accept everyone. Then as soon as shit happens they are the first ones to ask about race, ethnicity, etc. Ummmm last time I checked crimes were being committed by all people. Listen you fake ass, brainwashed, bitches, go suck a dick and shut the fuck up. Kneel and bob just kneel and bob, be-yatch!

Just Because Is Not Good Enough

I have a problem with people who can not, do not or will not express their understanding of their routine, behavior or beliefs. They become robots going about their lives never understanding their own reasons for their routines. Questioning why we do the things we do, why we believe the things that we believe is tantamount to stopping and smelling the roses. Why is it acceptable to stop and admire nature and to share our thoughts and feelings about this experience yet conversely it becomes taboo to stop and think about why we behave or believe in a certain way and to share our thoughts and feelings about that? Is it to much to ask that we be able to explain our actions when considered in the context of accountability? If I am going to be held accountable for my behavior and ideals should I not at least be able to clearly define them and give reasons for adhering to them? “Just because” is not a reason. It ceased being a reason when society determined we were of the age of accountability.

Judge – “Why did you murder that man?”

Me – “Just because.”

Judge – “Well that clarifies everything. You are free to go.”

Life is about engagement. Engaging others in dialogs, even uncomfortable ones is how we enlighten each other. Even if you are not an expert or feel that you are not qualified to discuss in depth a given topic you are an expert to discuss in depth how you perceive it affects you. You are the expert when it comes to your own behavior, your ideals and convictions. You are the expert when it comes to you.

If just because is acceptable then allow me to take advantage of you, just because.

Even if the reason is not very sophisticated there should always be a reason for our actions. These cumulative reasons, when shared, are like the small sparks that collectively start a flame which in turn illuminates the dark. Could not these reasons serve as a source of enlightenment to others? Share the knowledge and wisdom you have learned with those who seek it. Be flattered that a query has been made of your reasons and that some may consider them valid. Queries come in many forms and our answers or lack there of should not be formed by preconceived notions of the motives of those that inquire. To quote a proverb from the book of the Christians, “An answer when mild turns away rage”. Share what you know and what you do not. Perhaps by doing so you will add your spark that ignites the flame.

All About Perspective

This comes to by way of my inbox. Enjoy

The Difference Between Rich/Poor People?

One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his
son on a trip to the country with the express purpose
of showing him how poor people live.

They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of
what would be considered a very poor family.

On their return from their trip, the father asked his
son, “How was the trip?”

“It was great, Dad.”

“Did you see how poor people live?” the father asked.

“Oh yeah,” said the son.

“So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?” asked
the father.

The son answered:

“I saw that we have one dog and they had four.

We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our
garden and they have a creek that has no end.

We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have
the stars at night.

Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the
whole horizon.

We have a small piece of land to live on and they have
fields that go beyond our sight.

We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.

We buy our food, but they grow theirs.

We have walls around our property to protect us, they
have friends to protect them.”

The boy’s father was speechless.

Then his son added, “Thanks Dad for showing me how
poor we are.”

Isn’t perspective a wonderful thing? Makes you wonder
what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything
we have, instead of worrying about what we don’t have.

Appreciate every single thing you have, especially
your friends!

“Life is too short and friends are too few.”